Lead Me
by NoniMiko
Summary: *after anime* Kenshin and Kaoru are settled in Toyko, sorting out their relationship and purpose, when another ghost from the revolution comes to Kenshin seeking to learn how to defeat the man-slayer in her heart. Kenshin and the others embark on a new adventure to help heal this young samurai from the demons of the revolution, and teach her the value of life, including her own.
1. Chapter 1

A/N - Okay, take-two at this fic. This story means a lot to me, so I want to tell it right. First of all, I want to clarify that though the OC is female, I am a huge fan of the Kenshin and Kaoru relationship. I could not have imagined someone more right for either character. Therefore, this fic is not a romance. I love fics that develop Kenshin and Kaoru's relationship and life further. I also feel like there is so much more to the Rurouni Kenshin story than just a romance. Kenshin has the power to help change people's lives and way of thinking - as we see time and time again throughout the anime and the manga. What I have noticed though, for the most part, is we rarely see the process and the result of the seeds Kenshin plants on people's hearts. This fic is to explore that idea, as well as what it took for Kenshin to transform from a hitokiri into a rurouni determined to protect the weak. Enjoy!

Chapter 1

"Kenshin, the Chief of Police, Mr. Toshiyoshi, is here to see you! He's out in the garden!" Yahiko announced, breathing hard with excitement.

"Calm down, Yahiko! Just show Mr. Toshiyoshi in, and he join us for dinner. We are still waiting on Sanosuke and Miss Megumi to join us anyway" Kaoru said impatiently.

"I wouldn't want him to have your cooking, Kaoru" Yahiko taunted, sticking his tongue out at Kaoru while he dodged just out of reach of her indignation. "Besides, he can't come in. He said he can't stay but needs Kenshin to come with him for a couple hours."

Kenshin put his hand on Kaoru's arm before she could respond. "It is not a problem, Miss Kaoru. I will go see what Mr. Toshiyoshi wants. You should continue dinner without me, that you should."

Kaoru made to object, but Kenshin just smiled at her, and exited the dojo towards the garden, sliding his sakabato (reversed-blade sword) into his hakama and obi.

"Mr. Toshiyoshi," Kenshin said with a bow, "I was told you wanted to speak with me?"

In his usual clipped manner, Mr. Toshiyoshi replied, "There is a young woman just outside Toyko who is requesting to see you. She was found by some travelers coming to enter the city. She seemed rather ill. The travelers offered to help her to a doctor, but she refused, saying she had to see you first, Mr Himura. The travelers built a fire for her and then made their way into the city to report the matter to me. Please, come with me to see her."

"Did the young woman give her name?"

"Minomoto, Hikari Minomoto."

"Hikari. . ." Kenshin whispered, seemingly lost in thought.

"Himura?" Mr. Toshiyoshi prompted.

"Yes, I know Miss Hikari. I will come with you to see her, Mr. Toshiyoshi, that I will."

Mr. Toshiyoshi led Kenshin into the police carriage parked outside of the gate, and instructed the driver to take them south, past the outskirts of Toyko. The ride out of town was quiet, most of the citizens already in doors for the night. Kenshin stared out the window, lost in memory.

Finally, Mr. Toshiyoshi cleared his throat to draw Kenshin's attention, and said, "Forgive me, Mr. Himura, but for police reports I must ask, what kind of person is Miss Minomoto? Will she cause trouble here in Toyko?"

"Miss Hikari was a hitokiri during the revolution, much like myself. She was an assassin for hire, though for the most part she did not fight on the side in favor of the Meji government, that she did not. If she was not a woman I believe she would have her own reputation for bloodshed. But many were too ashamed to admit they used the services of a woman assassin. Similarly, others were reluctant to admit their fallen comrades had been slain by her. Still, those of us who fought in Kyoto knew her and those who were wise did not wish to cross swords with her."

"Did you ever cross swords with her, Mr. Himura? Do you believe she could still be dangerous?!"

"I was in battles where I saw her fight, but only once did we cross swords, and only briefly."

"Why did the battle between you two end?"

"After a few minutes she received notification that her target had already been eliminated" Kenshin said in a matter-of-fact tone. "Any further battle between us at that time would have been meaningless. I am sorry to report that I do not know what she has been doing since the war, that I do not. From what you have told me, however, it seems she is in no condition to harm anyone tonight. I do not see any cause for you to worry whether or not she is a safety threat at present."

"Yes, of course" Mr. Toshiyoshi replied, somewhat pacified by Kenshin's explanation.

Kenshin continued gazing out of the window of the carriage, his mind on the thought he hadn't voiced. If she felt threatened, the Miss Hikari he knew of would be dangerous no matter what physical condition she was in, that she would.

The carriage rattled through the outskirts of Toyko, until Kenshin saw the glint of a fire light in the distance. His heart quickened with concern. He breathed deeply to calm himself as the glint of light drew nearing.

A figure wrapped tightly in a cloak was half sprawled, half huddled around the fire, a pack of belongings, propped up near a neighboring tree, and the hilts of two swords protruding from her hakama. Kenshin exited the carriage and knelt down by the figure, now a mass of cloak and long black wavy hair.

"Miss Hikari?" Kenshin said tentatively, while maintaining an awareness of how far his sword hilt was from his reach.

"Himura. . ." the figure rasped, blinking rapidly as she was trying to focus on him.

Any trepidation Kenshin felt vanished, he knew that quality to her voice, he knew the sound of the dying.

Gently he pulled the cloak from around her face, and smoothed her sweat drenched hair away from her eyes. Dilated pupils gazed back at him almost without seeing, ringed with a hint of a blue-grey iris.

"Where are you hurt, Miss Hikari?"

"Nowhere. Nowhere that is not of my own making" she rasped again, her eyes fluttering shut.

"Miss Hikari?!" Kenshin tried more urgently.

"Do not fret, Himura" Hikari said, slowly flickering her eyes open again. "I am well enough. Though if you intend for me to move from this spot, I may require your assistance."

"I think it would be better if we tend to your present condition before we have any serious discussion, Miss Hikari. If you will return with me, I believe I know someone who can help you."

Hikari nodded, and let Kenshin pull her to her feet. Clumsily she walked, supporting her weight in Kenshin's arm. After she stumbled for the third time, Kenshin scooped Hikari up in his arms, and made to carry her the remaining distance to the carriage.

"Himura, if you do not put me down I will slay your first born child. . ." Hikari mumbled indignantly, her words made almost incoherent by fever.

"I am afraid you will have years ahead of you before you can fulfill that threat, Miss Hikari. I have no children, that I do not."

Hikari blushed in embarrassment and fury, swearing under her breath, but making no further formal objection to being carried.

When they arrived back at the carriage, Kenshin turned to Mr. Toshiyoshi and said, "Miss Megumi is at the Kamiya Dojo right now, eating dinner as my guest. I believe Miss Hikari is in need of her services. Please return us there. You can leave Miss Hikari in our care."

Hikari grunted at being spoken about as if she was not there, but had no energy to say anything more about it.

"As you say, Mr. Himura" Mr. Toshiyoshi responded stiffly.

When the carriage arrived at the Kamiya dojo, the residents and dinner guests came to greet them. Kenshin carried the half asleep Hikari out of the carriage, and it drove away behind them. Kenshin met Kaoru's furrowed gaze with his kind one. "Miss Kaoru, I believe we are going to be having a guest for a little while, can I trouble you to prepare a room?"

"Of course, Kenshin. Does our guest have a name?"

"Miss Hikari Minomoto – someone I knew in Kyoto."

"Kyoto?" Kaoru gave Kenshin a questioning look, but when he shook his head slightly she nodded, and walked into the dojo.

"Miss Megumi, my guest seems to be rather ill – I don't have information as to how. Can I trouble you to see to her before you leave?"

"Of course, Sir Ken. Did she say anything to you?"

"Only that whatever was hurting her was of her own making."

Megumi carefully brushed the hair off Hikari's face and felt her forehead. Hikari groaned in her sleep. "Bring her inside, Sir Ken, and I will exam her."

For the next hour conversation was limited to assisting Megumi to finding blankets, to fill basins of hot water, and find their spare lanterns. Finally when there was nothing left to do but wait for Megumi's diagnosis, Kaoru convinced Kenshin to come eat a late dinner.

As Kenshin ate, Kaoru, Yahiko, and Sano questioned him about their unexpected visitor.

"When you said you knew her in Kyoto, you meant that she was someone you knew during the revolution, right Kenshin?" Yahiko asked eagerly.

"Yes, Yahiko. Miss Hikari was a strong hitokiri, that she was, though she did not often fight on a side in favor of the Meji government."

"Wait, a girl was a man-slayer in the revolution?" Yahiko asked in disbelief.

"Are you forgetting that your Sensei is "a girl', Yahiko?" Kaoru demanded, hitting him on the back of his head in annoyance.

"Yea, but Miss Hikari is pretty! She looks like she would have been a geisha or something!"

Sano had to hold Kaoru back from beating Yahiko senseless, while also laughing at the Yahiko's insult himself.

"Seriously though, Kenshin," Sano asked after everyone calmed down, "She fought in the revolution, as an assassin?"

"Yes. She was a very skilled killer for hire. I know little about her training, but she was known for having the stealth commonly attributed to a ninja, while also being quite adept at using both the katana and the wakizashi. Though she would sometimes use either sword individually, I believe she was more known for using them together with two-handed sword techniques. She was very formidable, that she was."

"She doesn't look old enough to have done all that" Yahiko complained.

"I was only 18, Yahiko" Kenshin said kindly. "Miss Hikari was probably only a year or two older than I was. The world was a different place then, that it was. One's age was a poor indicator of their experience."

"Do you know why she has come, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, voicing the question on everyone's mind.

"Mr. Toshiyoshi said she came looking for me, but as to her exact business I am not sure. I don't think we will know until she is in better health."

"Then I am afraid you have a few days to wait" Megumi said tiredly, entering the room, and kneeling down at the table. Sano reached over and discreetly took her hand as Megumi continued. "Her situation is not directly life-threatening anymore, but it is very painful, and will still be for a few more days at least. With your permission I would like to stay and care for her; I am familiar with her illness."

"Of course, you are always welcome, Megumi" Kaoru replied kindly, passing Megumi a hot cup of tea.

"What's wrong with her?" Sano asked gently, realizing now was the time for gentleness rather than humor.

"I am not sure I should say, but I suppose you will all need to know if she ends up staying here for awhile. From what I can tell, she is going through a rather severe withdrawal from opium."

"Opium?" Kaoru asked in surprise.

"I am afraid so. She seems to have been involved rather heavily in an opium habit. In a fit of clarity it appears she tried to stop using opium all at once, and is now withdrawaling from a physical dependence to it."

"I see. That is sad, that it is" Kenshin said, looking down at his hands. "We will certainly accept your services in caring for her, Miss Megumi, and please let us help in any way we can."

"Do you think she is here to hurt you, Kenshin?" Sano asked quietly.

"It is impossible to know for sure, Sano, but I think not. There is little I will know until I speak with her, but if I were to guess I would say that she tried to defeat the man-slayer in her heart in a different sort of way than myself, and received less than her desired result."

"If that is the case, can you help her, Kenshin?" Kaoru asked, putting her hand on his arm in support.

"I do not know, but I will certainly try if that is what she wishes, that I will."

* * *

The next five days went by in a blur as Hikari's body fought and screamed for the opium it now lacked. Her muscles felt heavy and ached, her stomach rolled and rejecting anything that passes her lips. Her whole body was weak and tired, but she couldn't sleep. She dwelt in the limbo between sleep and wakefulness, delirious and involuntarily groaning in pain. Megumi stayed by her side, forcing her to drink water, changing her sweaty clothes, and soothing her muscles and rolling stomach with herbal remedies. Megumi kept up a string of talk – anything from daily events, to stories, to poems as an attempt to distract Hikari from the pain. After the first two days Sano finally convinced Megumi to rest for awhile and the others took it in shifts to watch Hikari and help her as Megumi instructed.

On the evening of the fifth day, Hikari experienced her first moments of lucidity.

"Where am I?" Hikari said, her voice coming out as a croaking whisper.

Sano was currently on shift to watch her. He responded, "You are at the Kamiya dojo in Toyko. You were brought here because you said you wanted to see my friend, Kenshin Himura."

"Himura. . . yes. . . I need. . . to see him. . .please."

"You will. He lives here. He came to meet you, but you were sick, so he brought you here. My Megumi s a doctor and she has been looking after you for the last five days."

"Five days. . . I see" Hikari said, flushing slightly and turning away from Sano's face. "That certainly was not my intention to impose upon you all like this."

"Got yourself a bit of a habit?"Sano said casually. Still the words cut Hikari deeply. Sano pressed on, "I know the signs. I lost my friend to an addiction and eventual over-dose on opium."

"Something. . . something like that" Hikari said cryptically before changing the subject rather transparently. "I can tell you are a fighter, but I do not remember your face from the revolution. Who are you?"

"I am Sanosuke Sagara. I was a child soldier in the Sekiho Army during the revolution."

"Then, I am sorry. Yours is a sad story. The Meji government treated your army very poorly. . . if I recall."

"Yes" Sano responded, fists clenched at the memory.

"But then you met, Himura, and somehow knowing him and fighting him healed your heart? There is a lot of peace in you that I would not expect to find given your background."

"Yes. Kenshin taught me to fight with a higher purpose. He showed me that there are people I can protect in this era of peace, people who need protecting."

"Like your Miss Megumi?" Hikari said with a small smile.

"Yes" Sano said blushing slightly, "and others. Don't tell Megumi I called her that though, she doesn't always like it. She is a strong and very indepentant woman, though I wouldn't change her, not for anything. But I should go get her – she will want to know that you are awake so she can see how you are feeling. How are you feeling?"

"Very tired, but better than before. I am ashamed that you all saw me in that way, I wouldn't want to been seen in such a state even by friends, not to mention strangers."

"I have a feeling we won't be strangers for long. Didn't you know withdrawal was coming, after you stopped taking opium?"

"Yes, I suppose I did. But I didn't think it would come on so quickly. I thought I would be able to meet with Himura and be on my way before it happened. Obvious I misjudged that" she said with a sardonic chuckle that turned into a cough. Sano helped Hikari sit up, and rubbed her back gently until the coughing subsided.

"You okay?"

"Yes. A side effect of. . . this. . . is that my nose runs. If I have been laying down for five days my nose has been running into my throat all this time. Ergo the cough I assume."

"Welcome back to the land of the living" Megumi said as she entered the room, her deep red lips turned up into a tired smile.

"Miss Megumi?" Hikari asked, questioning the woman's identity.

"Yes."

"Then I owe you a great debt of gratitude for your care. I am sorry for the imposition. Was there much danger? I am afraid there is little I remember other than. . ."

"Pain?" Megumi filled in. "You came closer to death than most I have seen with your particular _illness_. You have not been caring for your body as you should, Miss Hikari. Sir Ken hasn't lied about your background though, you have both the build and previous injuries of someone who has seen and survived many battles."

Hikari said nothing, uncomfortable with how much these apparent strangers seemed to know about her.

Megumi knelt by Hikari's bed roll, and examined her briefly. "The worst. I believe, has passed. You need to know, however that should you return to your opium use now, and take the same amount that you are accustomed to, it could very well be the last thing you ever do. Though your body has built up a tolerance to it's effect, the same amount of opium that is fatal for a first time user is just as fatal to one long addicted. Do you understand?"

"I do. I. . . I have tried to stop before, but was. . . unable. I know the risks I am taking, though I appreciate your honesty."

"Good" Megumi said, sounding both sad and satisfied. Getting up she squeezed Hikari's arm gently, "We will talk about this later. For now I will go see if Sir Ken is available to see you."

Hikari felt ashamed that her vice has been exposed in such an fashion. She turned away from the door, and in a moment of sensitivity, Sano left Hikari alone.

In a few minutes the room was full of people, and Hikari was feeling anxious. A young woman in a beautiful kimono spoke, "I am Kaoru Kamiya, I am the assistant Sensei of this dojo."

"I have heard of you" Hikari said with her eyes closed. "You are the one rumored to have captured and melted the heart of Mr. Himura."

"I. . .well. . ." Kaoru said, flustered.

"That she has" Kenshin supplied, his face a shade pinker than normal.

"Thank you then, Miss Kaoru, for your hospitality. I can pay you and Miss Megumi for the trouble you have gone to on my behalf."

"There is no need" Kaoru said kindly. "We aren't here to exact payment from you. Kenshin is part of our family. When people from his past turn up it usually means there is going to be some kind of trouble. Any trouble Kenshin faces, we face together, that is why we are all here."

Hikari blinked her eyes rapidly, and then closed them again, fighting a sensation she had thought herself immune to, that of tears. Finally, when she felt herself under control she said, "Your loyalty is touching. I will not separate Mr. Himura from his friends. You do him all a great service."

"Miss Hikari" Kenshin said gently, "Why have you been looking for me? Is there something I can help you with?"

"I. . . I don't think so, not anymore. I did have a purpose in coming to see you, but I think I was wrong to do so. Do know, however, that my intention was and will never be to harm you or those you cherish. I hold no personal enmity between you and me over the past. I thank you for your kindness, and I shall take my leave of you now."

Hikari made to get up from her bed roll, but was forced back down by both Sano and Megumi. "I can't make you tell us why you are here, kid, but I most certainly won't let you leave until Megumi here says you are ready to go. It wouldn't be terribly hospitality if you ended up leaving here now only to die on the road."

In a flash Hikari's eyes grew cold and angry. When she spoke, her voice was ice, stripped of kindness and warmth, "I do not need your permission, Sanosuke Sagara, and I did not ask for it. I am not your pet and I am not your project. I don't do well in cages, so you had better think twice before you threaten me with one again".

Kenshin shifted, moving his hands towards the hilt of his sakabato, grateful that Hikari's weapons had been removed from her person and were propped up against the far wall. Sanosuke realized the tension of the situation, and also went alert, prepared to fight.

Hikari felt the air stiffen in the room, and knew, to her anguish that she was the cause, again. She felt panic fill her, and air come out as gasps from her lungs as her mind raged against itself. _ I am being threatened, and all threats must be eliminated before they eliminate me. But the war is over! _one part of her screamed. _ I don''t have to fight anymore._ _But if I don't fight anymore, what use am I? _a final part of her mind whimpered, afraid and hopeless.

The war in her mind was overwhelming. Rising above all the feelings and thought was a need to drown out everything. Hikari yearned for opium to numb herself, but knew she could not get any in time. Control, then, was the second best option. Hikari's eyes darted around the room, searching for some means to gain control of her mind and heart. _Pain, _a dark corner of her mind whispered. _In battle, pain always gave be a sharp sense of clarity, of what was real. _With God-like speed she took the medical knife from Megumi's obi, and drew it across leg, partially exposed from the bedroom. Relief poured into her, and she felt the roar of her mind grow quiet. Her breathing eased and she closed her eyes, commanding herself to come back to reality. The moment has passed for now.

"Thank you, Mr. Sanosuke, for helping me illustrate my point" Hikari said angrily, spitting out the last word as she threw Megumi's knife to the ground.

Hikari paused to take a breath, and ease the anger out of her tone. This wasn't Sanosuke's fault. She positioned a calm emotional mask over each of her features and said, "It was a mistake to come here. Forgive me for my intrusion. I will not ruin what you have built here by my presence. I take my leave." The room was hushed and quiet, everyone seemingly too surprised to make another move as Hikari gathered her weapons and pack, and left the room.

It wasn't until Hikari opened the gate to the dojo ground that she heard Kenshin calling out behind her, "Were you hurting yourself to gain control? Does your need to kill emerge so easily now? Is that why you came here to see me, Miss Hikari?"

Hikari froze, uncomfortable at being read so easily by someone who used to be her enemy. Her fear turned to anger, as all emotions inevitably did, and when she turned back to glare at Kenshin, it was with a man-slayer's heart. She yearned to cut down his smiling kindness, his gentle nature, while simultaneously she yearned to embody those characteristics herself. The war inside her drove her to her knees before the gate. She clutched her heart as if it was breaking in her hands. Her body ached with the dregs of the drug it begged for.

"I have never done anything like that before. I just needed it to stop. It's getting worse. I am losing. I cannot win this fight, Himura. Give me peace in death; there is no redemption for me. I came here on the dregs of hope and strength that are now lost to me. Please, Himura, kill me."

Kenshin crossed the distance between and made to reach for Hikari, but she pushed him away, using the gate to help pull herself up. Hikari glared at Kenshin's offered kindness like a wild animal, both fierce and unpredictable.

Kenshin maintained space between them as he spoke, "I wondered for ten years, Hikari, fighting the man-slayer in my heart, sometimes losing and winning as I sought a purpose for my existence and atonement for my past. It was not until I stopped wondering that I found the reason to defeat the man-slayer in my heart. Let me teach you what I have learned" Kenshin said, trying to speak reason to Hikari's raging heart.

"And if I fail? Or hurt your friends? Will you swear to break your oath and kill me?" Hikari demanded.

Kenshin continued to hold her. "I don't kill anymore, Miss Hikari."

Hikari scoffed. "Of course you don't, Himura. Of course. Go back to your beautiful life. It was a mistake to come here."

Kenshin reached out to Hikari again, but she shoved him back into the twilight lit garden. "You can't help me, Himura! You fool, I have no control! I could kill you and everyone you love before I even realized it! I can't take that risk if you won't swear to stop me. . . I needed you. . . I needed you to stop me. . ." Hikari finished, feeling more hopeless than ever.

"I will stop you if there is a need" said another voice from outside the gate. From the shadows stepped a tall figure in a police uniform.

"Saito" said Kenshin quietly.

"I am –"

"I know who you are, Saito Hajime. You have not changed so much in the last ten years that I would not know you. You work for the police now I see?" Hikari asked, her mask of control slipped quickly on again as she turned to face him.

"In my own way. I police this government. If it becomes corrupt, and fails to live up to all its promises of peace, I will be the wolf of justice once more."

"Then you have taken no oath of pacifism?"

"I have not, nor do I intend to. Himura and I see the solution to your struggle very differently, though I wouldn't suggest you learn from me. But yes, I can protect them and you, from this demon the revolution awoke in you until and unless you are able to do so yourself."

Hikari sagged against the gate, defeated and worn. "I accept your offer, Saito Hajime – and I pray you never have to make good on it" Hikari said sleepily.

Saito stepped through the gate, and ignoring her sleepy protestations, picked up Hikari before she felt asleep on the gate. With no strength left to resist, Hikari's eyes fluttered closed. Saito studied the young woman in his arms, sickly but strong, and beautiful in an ethereal way. Looking up, Saito met Kenshin's gaze. To the unasked question Saito answered, "Toshiyoshi sent me to see how she was doing, and if you had any more information of whether or not she was a threat."

"What do you plan on telling him?" Kenshin asked.

"The truth – that everything is under control" Saito replied, looking down at Hikari once more. "Perhaps, Himura, those who died in the revolution were the lucky ones, because they don't have to learn how to live again now that the chaos is over."

"I agree with you, Saito, that I do."


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - Recently I attended a writing symposium called Life, the Universe, and Everything (named after the Douglas Adam's novel). In one of the panels about creating a character, we were having a discussion about what an author needs to know about a character before writing. One suggestion was to think about what secret tattoo the character might have. I loved the idea, so throughout this is fanfiction I think it would be fun to think about what sort of tattoos the Kenshin-gumi might have. :) I will post about one character each chapter. Feel free to message me with ideas. :) Enjoy.

Tattoo: Sano's secret tattoo is a wicked symbol on his back in the same place he has it on his jacket. He got it long before he met Kenshin, as a sign of the assassin for hire he labelled himself to be. Since he met Kenshin, he wears that tattoo as a reminder of the past and the importance of not returning to it (even Sano has a bit of a sentimental side).

Chapter 2

Hikari groaned and stretched, pushing through the veil between sleep wakefulness. The warmth of the sun stung her eyes. She closed them again and rolled over, trying to hide from the day. But her pallet was too soft and plush after the hard ground on the road, and no matter how she tossed and turned she couldn't get comfortable again. Stubbornly, she laid there uncomfortably until her screen door opened.

"Good morning, Miss Hikari! It is time to get up, that it is!" Kenshin said is a sing-song voice.

"Himura, take your damned morning person cheer and get out of my room!" Hikari glared indignantly as she threw her pillow in his direction and regret it instantly when she realized she was without a pillow to hide from the sunlight with.

Kenshin backed up, surprised at Hikari's vehemence. Two little squeaks came from behind Kenshin's Hakama. Hikari turned to see two little girls poking their heads out, looking at her with wide eyes.

Kenshin patted both girls on the head and said, "Don't worry, Miss Hikari is not mean. She just does not like the morning, that she does not. Perhaps we should leave the tea here and come back later, that we should."

Hikari softened at the sight of the frightened girls walking forward to put a cup and tea pot in front of her.

"The tea is from Miss Megumi. She said it will help with the last of the pain, but that you should try being up and around today, that you should."

Hikari wanted to swear, but didn't have the heart to worry the little ones. Instead she tried to put on what she thought was a smile, and said, "Thank you, girls. I am sorry for scaring you; I won't hurt you."

"Miss Hikari, this is little Ayame and little Suzume. They are the granddaughters of Dr. Gensai, a friend of this dojo, and the instructor of Miss Megumi in medicine."

"Uncle Ken, why is the pretty lady so angry?" Ayame asked as she pulled on Kenshin's sleeve.

"You should ask Miss Hikari, that you should" Kenshin said with a smile.

Hikari's heart melted at the sight of these two little angels. _Himura keeps very unexpected company. _"I am not so angry, Little Ayame. I just don't like being awake when the sun is awake" Hikari said in the gentlest tone she could muster.

Ayame and Suzume both burst out in giggles. "But Miss Hikari" they said, in between fits, "when the sun is up, we are supposed to be up!"

"Miss Hikari seems to have it backward, that she does. Let's give her some privacy to get ready for the day."

Obediently the girls left the room. Kenshin followed them, but stopped at the door and turned around. "You did well to control your anger, Miss Hikari, but putting on a mask and pretending it is not there is not the answer. It will just build up and explode out of at another time, that it will."

Hikari's features went hard, showing the rage she had been hiding. "THEN WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?!" she yelled in a whisper, breathing hard. Hikari swallowed, trying to master herself and she slammed her hand in the ground. " Please just go, Himura. I have proved you right enough for one day."

Her body still ached from the remnance of withdrawal, feeding her morning irritation. Sulkily she drank the tea left for her, scowling at it's bitterness, while feeling certain that she deserved every sip and much more.

Hikari sighed deeply, running her fingers through her hair in frustration. Sure any chance to sleep more was lost, Hikari rolled up her mat and dressed for the day. _The idea of wearing a kimono like Kaoru is a wonderful,_ Hikari thought wistfully as she tied the last knot of her hakama, _but women like me have no right to wear a kimono. I gave up the right to live that kind of beautiful life long ago, better just accept it._

Hikari left her room, and walked into the courtyard, alert and on edge.

"Good morning again, Miss Hikari" Kenshin greeted warmly. When Hikari turned to face him, Kenshin frowned slightly and added, "Forgive me, Miss Hikari, but you should not carry a live sword around the dojo, that you should not."

"Okay, Himura, let's switch then" Hikari replied in annoyance. She pulled her katana out of her hakama and tossed it unceremoniously towards Kenshin.

Kenshin's eyes went wide when he grabbed the sword of the air, fumbling with it in a silly manner. Behind his pretense Hikari was sure her sword was the first live blade Kenshin had held in years, perhaps since the revolution. Without unshealthing it, Kenshin made to return the sword to Hikari.

"Does she frighten you, Battosai?" Hikari mocked. Rather than retrieving her blade Hikari slowly circled Kenshin. She leaned toward Kenshin's ear, as if confiding a deep secret. "Her name is Sasayaku. She deals death as quietly as her name suggests, an untraceable whisper in the dark. She is a fine companion to any man-slayer."

"Kenshin isn't a man-slayer anymore!" Yahiko said angrily. He made for Hikari, still holding his practice sword from his morning's exercises with Kaoru.

Sano put out his arm to hold Yahiko back. "Let Kenshin handle this" Sano whispered loudly.

"You could learn a few things about stealth from my sword, Sanosuke" Hikari responded, her gaze still on Kenshin, and her heart set back on the revolution.

Kenshin stood firm, ignoring the sheathed blade in his hands. "You are not showing the proper respect to this dojo or those living here, Miss Hikari, that you are not. You are here upon your request for my help which I have promised to give, but I cannot let you be upsetting my friends, that I cannot. You are being ungrateful to your host."

"Am I?! Forgive me then" Hikari spat with a mock bow.

"I understand your interest in testing me to see if I really am someone who might be able to help you, but I do not believe this is the way to do so" Kenshin said calmly.

"What then, _Mr. Savior_, do you plan on doing about it?" Hikari countered, aching to release the rage coursing through her on anyone who dared give her an excuse. Her muscles tensed, ready to fight. Her vision tunneled with Kenshin at it's center. Her mind whirled with footage from her short battle with Kenshin during the revolution.

"Himura will defer to me, Miss Hikari, and the rest of the police force of Toyko if you make it necessary" Saito said as he walked calmly into the courtyard, staring down at Hikari.

Hikari jerked her gaze towards Saito, confused ,as if waking from a trance. Saito continued, his golden eyes holding Hikari's "Mr. Toshiyoshi wasn't too convinced when I told him you were not a danger to Toyko. He has sent me, with the permission of the Kamiya dojo," Saito flicked his gaze to Kaoru, who nodded, "to help oversee your time spent here, Hikari. "Do you intend to make a liar of me so quickly? Please, continue this foolishness - I am more than willing to apprehend you to the prison, where you play childish games with the other animals."

Hikari scowled at Saito, feeling furious and suddenly powerless. She grabbed Sasayaku from Kenshin, shoved it back into her Hakama, and walked away from the group and back into the dojo, pretending to herself that she wasn't running away.

"Well, I think it's safe to say things are going to be interesting around here for a little while" Sano said to no one in particular.

"I think she feels cornered and still unsure of her decision to come here, that I do. It will take her time to trust us."

"If you give her too much free reign Battosai, I will step in. Her sword smelled of blood" Saito responded.

"That it did" said Kenshin sadly.

Kaoru came up beside Kenshin, "Are you okay, Kenshin? I can imagine Miss Hikari brings up memories that are hard for you."

"She does remind me of a different time, Miss Kaoru, but I feel no pull to go back there. I have you and the others to thank for that, that I do."

"Oh Kenshin!" Kaoru exclaimed, and threw herself into his arms.

Resisting the initial awkwardness he still felt at holding her, Kenshin reached out to Kaoru, and smoothed her hair. After a moment, he moved her at arm's length and smiled at her almost shyly, "I will go finish the laundry now, Miss Kaoru, that I will. Everything is okay now."

* * *

Anger spilled over into sadness, and then shame. Hikari sat in her room for hours, trying to master her thoughts and feelings through meditation, Sasayaku draped over her lap. _In Kyoto they would have all been dead by now, without a second thought. I do not belong in this era of kindness and loyalty. It was a mistake to come here with these good people. I can't even hold my rage in for a morning. I can't do this. _

Hikari paused in her thoughts when she heard her screen door open, and a soft footfall enter the room.

"Miss Kaoru. I. . . am very sorry for my actions earlier. I am sorry I have come to your dojo" Hikari said, bowing on her knees towards the figure who had entered.

"That's a shame" Kaoru said cheerfully, kneeling beside Hikari, "because I am not sorry you are here at all, Miss Hikari."

"What?" Hikari said in surprise, lifting her head to see the expression on Kaoru's face. Instead of the cold and angry features Hikari expected to find, there was only the soft kindness that matched Kaoru's words.

"Here, come sit next to me, and I will help you with your hair" Kaoru said gently. "You have such beautiful grey eyes, but I saw this morning that your hair likes to fall all over your face and hide your beautiful eyes from the world."

"Kenshin!" Kaoru called out the door, "Will you please bring my indigo ribbon to me? I believe it is on the drying line!"

"That I will, Miss Kaoru!" Kenshin said from somewhere nearby.

Confused, Hikari followed Kaoru's direction. In a moment Kenshin was in the doorway, carrying a long strand of deep blue fabric. "Here you are, Miss Kaoru".

"Thank you Kenshin." Turning to Hikari, Kaoru said, "This is my favorite ribbon. I am going to use it to put your hair up like mine. You can use it until we can get you one of your own. But I am only letting you borrow it, so you have to return it to me, okay?"

Kenshin smiled at the memory, "You had better do as she said, Miss Hikari, and you should make sure to not return the ribbon with blood on it, that you should. I made that mistake once."

Hikari cocked one eyebrow up at the couple, and before she knew it she was laughing at them, and they laughed with her. For that beautiful moment life was livable for the first time in her memory.

When the laughter died down Kaoru put her hand on Kenshin's. "Miss Hikari, I think you were brave to come here and find my Kenshin" Kaoru said seriously. "When I first met him he struggled, even then, after ten years of wondering, with his inner man-slayer. Even after all this time I still only know bits and pieces of what his ten years as a wonder were like. I want you to know this because I want you to understand that I for one, and all of us really, are not here expecting you to be perfect, or for you to even want to change all the time."

"Miss Kaoru is very right, that she is, Miss Hikari. You are fighting a difficult battle now, one that more people have lost than won, that they have. I do not think, either, that there is just one way to win this fight. Saito and I have come to the same place on different roads. You should try learning from him as well, that you should."

"I don't think that was the kind of help Saito came here to offer, thanks all the same, Kenshin" Hikari said matter-of-factly.

"We will see, that we will" Kenshin said tiredly.

"You don't have to do this, Himura. Your willingness is enough. I have no interest in destroying everything you have built here in Toyko" Hikari said, meeting Kenshin's eyes with sincerity. "You and Saito figured it out on your own, I probably can, too. Maybe I just gave up too fast."

"No" Kenshin said firmly, "I cannot speak for Saito, that I can't, but I do know that I was not able to defeat the man-slayer in my heart, alone. I do not expect you to be able to do what I could not, Miss Hikari. Give it time. Come outside with me, and I will show you what chores you can do around the dojo."

Hikari nodded wordlessly, unconvinced, but uninterested in arguing her point further just then. She followed Kenshin out of her room, clinging onto that moment of laughter from before.

"Himura, wait!" Hikari called from her doorway. Kenshin turned around expectantly.

"Ummm" Hikari began, looking at the ground and wondering if she should have stayed silent. "I. . . Sasayaku. . . I haven't been parted from her since before the revolution. I respect your request to not be armed at the dojo, I really do. I just can't leave her behind" Hikari finished feebly.

"Not yet perhaps, but we will work to change that won't we Miss Hikari. For now carry your sword as you need. I challenge you though to only unsheathe it in practice, or in protection of another human being. This will be your first lesson, that it will."

"I. . . okay" Hikari finished feebly.

Hikari spent the rest of the morning, and afternoon with Kenshin hanging laundry, sweeping, mopping, making rice balls, and now gardening. She enjoyed the opportunity to be absorbed in consuming, mind-numbing work.

Before long, Ayame and Suzume had recovered from thinking Hikari was scary, and began following behind her and Kenshin, mimicking the chores and tried to help as best as little girls could. Hikari felt cautious of scaring the two girls again, but was also fascinated by their company. It had been many years since she had been on the company of children. She fought against the desire to do the work for the girls, who struggled with the smallest tasks. Hikari felt inspired by their determination and positive outlook.

Hikari was wiping sweat of her forehead when Kenshin walked over with a bucket and ladle, "You should remember to drink water when you are out in the sun all day, that you should Miss Hikari."

"Thank you."

Suddenly Yahiko emerged from the shadows, scowling, his practice sword raised and pointed at Hikari. "I don't get you! First you are all picking fights with Kenshin, and now you are acting like you are an old friend. Who the hell do you think you are anyway?!" Yahiko challenged.

"Yahiko!" Kaoru yelled, stepping away from the garden and towards her misbehaving student.

Hikari threw out her arm to stop Kaoru's advance. "It's alright, Miss Kaoru. Your student is right about my lack of consistency of character. What is your name?" Hikari said kindly to Yahiko, taking pains not to patronize him.

"I am Yahiko! Successor to the Kamiya Kashin style, a sword that protects people!"

"You have a fierce swordsman's spirit, Yahiko, but I am afraid it is wasted on this age of peace. Yours is a sword to protect you say?"

"Don't make fun of me!" Yahiko spat.

Hikari took Yahiko's measure, and guessed she only had one more chance to defuse his anger before her would attack. Hikari put her hands up in what she hoped was a non-threatening position, far away from her sword.

"On the contrary, Mr. Yahiko, I wouldn't dream of mocking you and your beautiful dreams. Look at me, Yahiko" and Hikari waited until he was glaring at her before she continued, "I am glad you did not understand me. As long as you keep using that sword of yours as one to protect, and not as a weapon to kill, you won't ever need to understand me."

"What is that supposed to mean?! Was it the opium that made you like this?" Yahiko pressed, no longer defiant, but persistently curious.

Hikari shut her eyes, and ran her hands through the pony tail that Kaoru had made her before facing Yahiko again, a look of haunted death in her blue-grey eyes. "Though I am sure opium did not help my cause, Yahiko, I used it to hide who I am not to create it. If you use a sword to kill, Yahiko, you will never be the same. Under the shock and disgust, and fear you will feel. . . something inside you will groan with pleasure. Kenshin has called it the man-slayer within our hearts, and I suppose that is the best way to describe it. The more you kill, the more pleasurable it is. If you are not careful, the man-slayer inside you can overpower everything else that you are as a person, can seemingly consume you as a human being. In the revolution, I was not careful. I am paying for that now. Who Hikari was before the revolution, and who I became during that time are constantly at war with each other inside my heart as I try to decide who to be now that the revolution is over. That war is what you have seen."

"But. . . Kenshin was a man-slayer during the revolution and that doesn't happen to him anymore, right Kenshin?"

"That is why I am here, Yahiko" Hikari continued, "I hope to learn that very thing from Himura."

"Oh."

"Please excuse me" Hikari muttered, "I think the sun is getting to me. I am going to sit inside for awhile."

"Auntie Hikari, are you mad at me?" Ayame asked in a small whimper, pulling at the sleeve of Hikari's keikogi.

"Oh, no Little One. I am just tired. I will see you tomorrow, okay?"

"Grampa said we are going somewhere else tomorrow" Ayame said seriously, "But you will be here the next time that we come?"

"Pweeze?" Suzume chimed in.

"Of course" Hikari said with a tired smile.

The girls nodded, and let go of Hikari, walking back next to Kenshin.

Seeing that no one else was making to stop her, Hikari ambled inside the dojo, and collapsed on her bedroll, feeling vulnerable and dejected. _But it will be anger soon, _Hikari thought defeatedly curling into herself. _Everything is anger in the end._

* * *

"Himura suggested I would find you here" Saito said, emerging from the gathering shadows to where Hikari was sitting along the river.

"Am I really that transparent to him already?" Hikari questioned absently, her mind half wondering how she had been so careless as to not notice Saito's approach.

"Your affinity for water dates back to the revolution. His deduction wasn't hard to follow."

"I suppose it does, and before. Why are you here? Have you been demoted from police inspector to babysitter so quickly?"

"You have lost the right to disappear, now that you are on the government's watch list again."

"Huh, I didn't realize how quickly going on a walk could become a federal offense. Well, Watch Dog, I intend to stay by this river for awhile, so now you will know where I am. But please, feel free to join me if you are concerned I will run off."

"What are you doing here?"

"As you said, I have a liking for being around running water and this was the closest source."

"Half-truths do not interest me."

"You've caught me!" Hikari intoned in mock indignation. Deflating, she turned more serious as she gazed at the river whispering by. "I suppose it is more than that. Himura spoke of you this afternoon. He said that you and him chose different paths leading to the same place - quieting of your inner-manslayer. If both of you cannot agree then perhaps I am better off forging my own path than trying to copy either of yourself. I came here to think on that. Also, water is calming. I am so angry, all the time, but here I can find a small moment of peace. Perhaps it is superficial, but it's still something to hold onto."

"You are assuming your anger is inherently a bad thing - you have bought into Himura's pacifism blindly."

"Is your anger still a precious commodity to you then?"

"Yes. It is my fuel to exact justice from the Meji government."

"I fought on your side, Saito, but I wasn't loyal to anyone's politics except my own. I have no place for righteous anger."

"Because it was your fondest dream to grow up to be an assassin from the cradle, was it? You were never forced into this life of man slaying?"

"How dare you?! That's is none of your damn business!" Hikari raged, reflexively standing and readying her sword.

Saito moved to stand in front of Hikari, putting a hand on the hilt of Sasayaku to help prevent Hikaru unsheathing her in without difficulty. "You are angry, but not at my accusation, I think, but at the truth in it. Do you think you escaped the revolution with no one learning your story?"

"STOP IT!" Hikari demanded, somewhere between hysteria and sobbing.

"The story of a young woman who practically sold her soul for the protection of her family. To keep them safe, she gave up all she was and knew in order to be trained for the combat she had exceptional natural ability for."

DAMN YOU, STOP IT!" Hikari exclaimed, abandoning her sword grip, and beating Saito's chest with her fists.

"And then, after this woman had killed enough that she was allowed go back, she had to watch, helplessly as those she had sacrificed everything to protect were killed before her eyes, for the sake of her final level of training, to harden her heart against ever again acquiring anyone or anything she would fear to lose."

"HOW DARE YOU, BASTARD!" Hikari was breathing hard, her blade now lined up against Saito's throat, her eyes wild with fury and vulnerability.

"She had nothing left," Saito continued calmly, "except to become the monster she was created to be. Though unconfirmed, reports suggest she killed all her captors, and their families, as payment for what she lost. She took on a new name, and became the merchant of death that she has been groomed to be."

"It was the only choice she had left, be the monster she was made into, and hope someone would finish her off too" Hikari whispered, as she lowered her blade, feeling small and defeated.

"And yet. . . this young woman has not right for righteous anger about the hand fate has dealt her?" Saito asked, meeting Hikari's eyes with his own.

"I. . . I don't know. Anger helped me kill them all, but vengeance left me empty. So I killed and killed to fill that hole, but always. . . always it would be empty again" Hikari responded, slumping up against a tree, and sliding down to the ground beneath her.

"Perhaps anger would be your ally again, and perhaps not, Hikari. But before you assume the latter, perhaps you should take steps to find out" Saito finished, gracefully seating himself next to Hikari, and sheathing her forgotten sword.

"Why are you doing this?" She whispered.

In the following silence, Hikari watched the first of the fireflies emerging, their lights making a reflected dance across the water.

Saito sat in contemplation of what he was about to do, and in wonder of the woman that could inspire such vulnerability in him. Finally he answered, "Perhaps, because in all the horrors of the revolution, your story is what came closest to driving me mad. I chose my path, and so did Himura, and the rest. We choose to fight for our own self-righteous purposes, and blood lusting crusades. But as you said, your path offered little choice."

"Damn your pity, Saito."

"Pity? Is that what you think I feel when I look at you?"

Hikari glared at him fiercely, daring his contradiction.

"Hikari, I assumed you were dead long ago, another unaccounted casualty of the revolution. And yet, I was sure that if you had died the one responsible would have proclaimed the victory much as I wanted to with the Battosai. Nothing, however, would have prepared me for hearing that you were here in Toyko, after all these long years, fighting to regain your humanity. Pity is not what I felt."

To that, Hikari had no words. She sat with Saito, gazing at the river, feeling both safe by Saito's side, and unnerved by the safety.


End file.
